Cute, Geico. Cute.

So this particular post, in addition to being temporally sporatic and irrelevant, sarcastic, and about largely self-evident issues, is also a bit whiny. For that I apologize. I toned it down some, but I still would never buy car insurance from Geico, based on these commercials.


A brief if poorly executed syllogism:

(1) Soon, I will need to choose a car insurance provider.

(2) In order to choose the best car insurance provider, I will rely on information about and an impression of that provider's standards and practices.

(3) Commercials provide information about a company and give the viewer an impression of that company's standards and practices.

(4) Car insurance companies make commercials.

(5) I will watch car insurance commercials.

(1), (2,). (3),(4). Therefore, (5).

Makes sense, I think. Also making sense is the following statement, which I've sufficiently set-up and which is largely self-evident: Geico car insurance commercials do not make sense. Here's a brief list of some that make me want a slick new Cannondale.

Trust the Geico Gecko
Why should I trust the Geico Gecko? He's small and weak and doesn't assert himself. And their executives seem to have poor judgement.

The Gecko Values a Dollar
Here the Gecko takes the money I pay the company to help insure my car and spends it on potato chips. Geico values cholesterol?

All Geico Cavemen Commercials
Saving money with Geico is so easy a caveman can do it. Except according to Geico, cavemen are educated, sophisticated, athleticly inclined, ethnically proud, and emotionally deep, which is to say, capable of many things. So thus I have no reason to think that just because a Caveman can do it, I can do it.

Money Breaks Up Marriages
Here the money I could be saving with Geico has sat himself at the table of an older couple and started to flirt with the woman. The man looks nonplussed. The woman is Carolyn Hennesy, who has appeared in Dawson's Creek, Terminator 3, and Click. She giggles. The waiter acts silly.

Roofers Need Car Insurance too, and an Education
Here Geico makes uninformed assumptions about the intelligence and singlemindedness of young roofers. What's with the stereotyping, Geico?

---

Of the lizard, the caveman, and the pile of money, the pile of money is for me the most effective and least annoying, probably because he doesn't say anything. The gecko and the caveman, however, spend most commercials contradicting the claim each commercial is trying to put forth. So then I get confused. I thought I was supposed to respect and sympathize with these characters, yet if I do that the Geico corporation seems culturally insensitive and cold-blooded. I have no desire to support such a company.

So it seems that whole Caveman/Gecko/Googlyeyed Money ad campaigns are there to entertain the viewer and paint the company as funny, lighthearted, and creative, not really to inform me. If I'm going to spend several thousand dollars a year on a policy required by law for me to operate an automobile, then I don't really care for how creative my provider is. I'd prefer to know whether they are efficient, compassionate, well-managed, and competitively priced. Geico commercials, though, suggest none of these qualities. Instead, they suggest that I shouldn't put any thought into an important financial decision and that I can be manipulated into buying a car insurance policy by situation comedy and detachable tails. That's insulting.

You know what's not insulting? Allstate's Dennis Haysbert and his soothing baritone. What's that, Dennis? You'd like to give me specific information about your company's policies and use American History to underscore Allstate's long commitment to quality service and acknowledge the significance of car insurance in my everyday life? And then not contradict yourself? Sign me up! I am not in good hands, Mr. Haysbert, but I'd like to be in yours.

You know whose hands I don't want to be in? These girls'. Also, Geico's.